THOUGHTS... DREAMS... ME ^V^

I guess I am still a kid at heart =)

2011-02-16T12:34:00.000-08:00

I have not been update in a long time…. I guess so far I think I could manage my problems…Today, 17th February at 4 a.m. in the morning. I still can’t sleep. I have lots in my mind. I wrote this as I need to let things out...

First I have my family problem. @.@
Now this problem has been brewing since my mom and uncle had a disagreement till now. With my grandparent conditions, my mom’s unwillingness well everything is in a big mess. Don’t really want to talk about family problem because it will cause unnecessary headache and heart ache.

Financial $ , $
I am SOOOOOO bad with money. As much money I have I always manage to finish it. I am buying things that are unnecessary. I don’t know. As much I cut backs on my money from shopping… my money is never enough. I don’t know how my money can finish as quickly as a hungry cat gobbling its’ food. Recently, I think I may have just bordering Uni friends feelings of annoyance (I soooooo sorry girls). My mom is going to cut my allowances as dad is cutting hers. So far I do have money but I promise someone to go somewhere already. I am feeling thorn apart from keeping the money so my mom could lessen her burden or keeping a promise.

Friends <3
I have many friends. From BFF, B Friends, school friends, the list can go on. Recently… many of them are having problems…. Being me I feel I am ‘oblige’ to help them. I am willing to help them… and I want to help them…. But I don’t know how or if I could help them. Sometimes I think I am helping them.. but instead making it worse.
I also wondered sometimes if I am being a good friend to my friend. I question myself… should I keep quiet… say something… be me? Be ignorant…. Be dumb… be clueless. Be insightful.. or be anything.

Youngsters or adults.. =.= ??
Simply put, I a questioning myself if I am an adult or still a youngster? Why am I still making kiddy decisions… why I can’t be an adult…..
Recently I feel like whining about how I can’t buy a dress like my friends.. although it is perfectly normal to where what you got in the closet.. but I cant help the feelings that arise. I envy my friends… but I think somehow mom don’t understand… than I realize I am being unfair to my mom.. but still a girl will always be a girl.

These are just among the thing I constantly think. And these do not include my Uni works and so on.. hhmmm…. my life may not filled with important duties and my problem are very petty. But still these are my problems that I yet can handle properly… I guess I am still a kid at heart

Aimi Miyazawa

2010-03-30T22:46:00.000-07:00

i want to tell you a story about aimi miyazawa. Aimi is studying cullinary in a best cullinary scholl in Japan. her dream is to a chef. seh as two best frinds named Mei Xi And Mei xin. they are twin sisters that she got to know when Mei Xi was sick. from there they became good friends... they have been together for a long time. Aimi is a person who never judge her friends. her mother taught her to accept people they way they are. ... so that was the reasons that she was friends with mei xi and mei xin. aimi has a boyfirnd his name was yukito... they have made a promise to marry once aimi finsh her studies. now... aimi had to depart from herfrinds mei xi and mei xin. she made new frinds because she grew up with her frinds.. her mother a doctor was always busy. so she spend most of her time growing up with her friends and her nanny.
now she is studying in one of the best cullinarry school in Japan. she misses her friends badly. now she has new friends.. she love her new frinds.. after 3 years studying she went for a vacation to hong kong with mei xi and mei xin. when they met her they said that she has changed a lot. she now see easily her frineds mistakes and critisize it... Aimi criend... she know she was never perfect from the beginning...but mei xi and mei xin said that who she is.... nobody perfect... and that was what aimi thought them they said.... so now she was in dillemma...

( read on... i'll upadate part 2 of this story.. The real story for these character's is from Love and Sacrifice by Farhana Emeralds at. http://www.fanfiction.net/)

ps: mei xi... mei xin... chong mei aah.....

how to please me....

2010-02-08T09:49:00.000-08:00

these past week may not be the most stress week for me, but still i felt the pressure. tension on small matters and mistakes... simply to put, i was tuning to my childish side too much this week. hey what a girl to do.. you want me to be too serious or to emo.. the problem is that, i tend to be mo emo when i'm on my childish mode. so what ever 'communications' i had, i perceive it much differntly because i'm using total different reasoning or schemata in my brain....

okey2 enough 'crap' about class lessons... so i was wondering how to change my mood in whatver mode or way of thinking i am in. so.. i came up with a small list but could be use anytime ... ( by me )

1st

get out from the stress place..

its so easy and practical. get up and walk away.. easy isnt it? well it aint easy as it sound. how dosyou just walk out if the person u r stress with is a friend? difficult isn't it? but this is what i usually do. if the stress come from just a friend or a stranger i might just hold it a bit and wait to walk off. but if this is a good friend or a best frind or even my god sister, i would shut it and walk off.. ( well i'm still concern bout people's feeling s more than mine, so i'll would say to them i need to go, and go straight away.

2nd
walk aimlessly in shopping mall

this so so practical if living near a shopping mall. i've yet to do this often. 1 reason would be... i'm a bit afraid wlaking alone... but sometimes its exactly what you need.

3rd

go to places that make me happy or makes you feel like a kid

two words. toy stores ( even when i'm in my mature/ emo / childish mode )

4th
to meet with my best friends....

simply because they've known me for more than 10 years. so they are not easily offended or just follow my childish mode. they just know when to shut up, when to cheer me up, or when to knock some reality in me. they know when my smiles mean even when i say the opposite ( well i'm a confusing person)

5th
ask me to cook something

i'll say i'm too lazy... but the fact i'll cook in the end and people dont comment too much on it and love it. you'll be receiving a big smile and a hug. i'll cook from a simple beijing fried rice ( my version) to something complicated like cakes or puddings. it just realive my stress when cooking. but my friends never ask me to cook to get rid of my anger, because although i feel better after cooking, they said they could actually taste the anger in the food. so usually they dont comment on anything when i cook to relief angger (it doesnt taste good).

6th
TV

so easy. just let me watcch tv. my fav. shows in whatever language they are. in my L1, L2 or even L3... i'll be happy enough. the shows could make me laugh, cry or venting out in frustration....

7th

one word EATING

the reasons for my size. i'll eat chocolate stuff mostly.. from chocolate bar, shakes, cakes, puddings. sometime a vannila ice cram would just do the job....

i made a statement once during my school years.. and it still the same just a bit of alterations.. any boy can easily get my heart. give me chocolate and a bear and you have my attention. ( now, i know relationship is not that easy and i'm the stupid one for giving away my heart just like that to a man)

the conclussion? hmm... not really that sure... for me all of these can easily make me feel happy when i'm not in the right state of mind (HAHAHAHAHAH laughing to myself). i told someone that yes, i'm a hyporcrite person. i lie my true feeling most of the time. my true self is not that beutiful. not like a pretty cinderella that i said to Tiey... why i lie? i know that i'm not perfect.. so i try to change myself not because to get people to like me but for me to like myself... but i most of the tiem i have to use this mask so that i dont hurt people around me too much because i'm still developing myself. so this house belives that equal opportunity does not supercedes anythong ... because you always have to have this mask... not all people could accept the real you. ( ok2.. i've astray from just listing thing that pleases me to rambling... NOT SUPRISE) so.. thats all folks...

It's You....

2010-01-30T13:53:00.000-08:00

its 15 minutes to 6 and i'm yet to sleep. why am i still awake? supposedly studying and finishing my week assigments.. but here i am writing after i month of not updating... heheheh biasa lar hangat2 tahi ayam...

currently listening to super junior its you remix.... only two words to describe ...
LOVE IT....

i know most people love sorry because it just stuck to your mind... but for me i've always love Its you...

nothing to say much except my head is already 'biol'... so i word for it is SLEEP....

so bye2

i'll post something later around noon....
sleep 1st....

Saranghae....

a tribute

2010-01-05T15:49:00.000-08:00

lots has happpened in the las 2 months. a was hospitalized and so on... this is just a tribute for my friends. i owe them a lot. it doesnt matter for how long i've known them. its just they were there for me... this is just something i didi i the hospital

friends... i love you all from the bottom of my heart

we've know each other almost 10 years already, i hope it last till eternity.

our frindship has only budding, but i know the flower that will grow will look outstanding

Thank You

- aqila, qila, ximen, qil, siki, - ^v^

futsal and cjs memeories

2010-01-04T19:34:00.000-08:00

i was never an athlete. never really like sports thus my size. but thats not the story for todays entry. there was a interfloor futsal competition in KTDI. though many people (my floormates especially) thinks that maybe i dont wanna play coz i dont know... i do know how to play a bit futsal. an thats thanks to Mira, Wawa, Mia, Nora (along), well should i list the whole class names? i do think there's a need. well, played as keeper most of the time. still its not the story i want to tell. the story is about the futsal tournament in TIGS when i was in Upper 6. supposedly we shouldnt have played as it was like 1 month and 1/2 away from STPM.. but still i think we needed.

a lot happened very fast during this time. we practiced everyday after school ( ya.. ya.. i know its only interclass comp but the 'semangat' of USA1 to enter it was mindblowing) we made the first two rounds before entering the finals. we went through the whole school. some teachers didnt agree with our 'semangat' coz we're supposed to be studying for STPM, our last chance/ shot to the Uni. but a few of them it actually might help us.. the main supporter of our team ( team CJS) was none other, En. Lutfi. sometimes we call him papa or bapak. ( i know2 it sounds childish for form six students but who cares....) he was the teacher in charge of our class.

during these time the unexpected thing happend. En. Lutfi was promoted as a penolong kanan HEM in HS ( how we cursed HS then) HS, is for High School (its an all boy school). how sad we all were. girls will be girls.. we cried a lot. and we saw a grown up man, a male teacher cried for the love for his students. words cant describe how he entered our class with such sorrow on his face.

i still remember the day clearly. it was supposed to be a history class. he enterd almost 15 minutes late ( something that he dont usually do) his face was unreadable. he looked angry. he stand in front of us quietly and all of us was very quiet. (we were making lots of noise before that). he look at everyone of us. he look around. and look at each one of us (there were 16 students in the class). he said he has something he needs to tell all of us. we were at the edge of our seat. his eyes were brimming with tears by then. and he said that he's leaving us. we were shouting 'no' that exam were so near and to make it short it was a very wattery event. had he been a female teacher, we would hug him to death. so we hug each other instead. and he was gone 2 days later. i know what the drama when he's only transferring to a school 2 km away from us. but still we felt the lost. before he went we held a small goodbye party. we gave him our class picture and that was it.

in the end the final was between USA1 and USA2.. hhahhaahah the two 'big sister' of the school. we almost give up because the one who give us the boost of confidence was gone and we felt empty. we begged him to come for the finals. but he couldnt make it because he had some work to be done in KL. but he called. e talked to each of us. and somehow we felt that we HAVE to win for his and our sake. so we played. i mean really played. Najwa hurt her foot. and everyone played the 100%. in the end we won 1-0. and it was the sweetest winning for us. we called him and showed our trophies (3G lar).

i guess thats all.. i know to some people, they dont understand the need for this post... but i just feel i need to honour this memory tonite.

In memory,….

6 Atas Sastera 1/ 6 Upper Six Arts 1 ( USA1)

Ceria Jimat Semangat

ceria selalu dalam aper jua keadaan

sentiasa jimat dalam aper jua situasi

semangat dalam melakukan sesutu perkara

raja aqila raja ali

pen. ketua tingkatan 6 USA1 ^v^

hospitalized

2009-11-17T06:58:00.000-08:00

Haven’t been updating my blog in a long time, I’m greatly sorry to my followers. Well, guess what? I’m updating from the hospital bed in Ampang Puteri. Reasons for me to be warded? Easy…. unimaginable pain that can’t be tolerate anymore.

Oh now I know how the character ximen in F4 feel … heheheeh

my first love? well he's more me than my first love

Anyway I’m alone in the hospital. My mom accompanies me during the day. Hey I’m a big girl already. No need teman2. How lonely was Heechul when he was hospitalized.

Oppa kesian nyer…

can't find his pic in the hospital... so put a macho one instead

I got a funny rumate. Well its more like she was my mom’s rumate when she was hospitalized. What a miss chatterbox. Its fun having her… but I think most people know that I’m not really a talkative person to people I don’t really know… her life is very…… interesting…. I guess I could categorize her as a good story teller…. She’s unique…

bye2 cik… she’s going back tomorrow

Anyway I’ll update again later.. I promise I’ll update earlier than later….

aki chan/ little pumpkin ( my aunty calls me that . miss her... )

rambling in class

2009-08-11T21:23:00.000-07:00

Fun.. fun.. fun

am i a fun person? sorry to say.. i'm not.. heheheh gomen..
but i'm a weired in some kind of way. onegai... understand me.. heheh
coz ... i am who i am....

lei... we need to go shopping!!! where?
at DEES heheheheeh

jom gi cari baju raya......

qustions....

2009-08-09T21:59:00.000-07:00

siting in class... wondering ... reading...about?
euthanasia...
debate.. debate... debate...
can i do it?

woow if i really go for royals n go against UKM ...
i maybe going to see Dwee.. Honey Dew!!!!

miss u guys....

convocation

2009-08-09T00:20:00.001-07:00

i'm gettin ready to meet my ex roomate...
i'm buying her flower for her convocation...
.........
hmmmm i wonder would anybody ever buy me flowers...
hmmmm...............................

Tears...

2009-08-08T23:31:00.000-07:00

what is it there to explain.

its just water secrete from your eyes..

water that cointains extra salt from your body,

water that cointains joy, sadness or anger...

water that are currently running down my cheeks...

dropping on the keys...

tears...

its nothing but water....

sChOOl 'n' fOrm 6.....

2009-05-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

Well... its the end of another week....

This week i went to school to see the lower six and upper six student of my beloved school... TIGS....
On Tuesday, my school counsellor ask me and a few of my friend to give a talk to the new student for lower sis students... the only problem is that i only receive the message after midnight...i didn't really have time to prepare any formal speech... so i just went there unprepared... which is something i dont reallyy like doing.....
anyway... i came on Wednesday and the talk was held at the school hall... there were only about 50 students that entered the lower six (well less 50 from what i saw)
i taught i could just see my friends talk n just chat with the juniors.. but my dear friend husna ask me to speak 1st... now that i got SKY's talking germ.... i ended the one talking 1/2 the time.
i did try to convince them to stay in TIGS and the memories i had in school were priceless.....
then we did an Q&A session... there were question on how we studied certain subjects n how we manage to read all those thick 'dictionaries' heheh i mean books... it was funny to answer those questions since i was not really the study hard type..... the talk end at 3 something... in the afternoon... it was a funny experience. the juniors ask for our phone numbers and emails so that they can contact us.... ( we used to do that too ).

then we went to search our fav teacher who was like a mentor, mother and friend. we went for late lunch and she ask a favor from us to give a talk ... this time to the upper six students whose gong to fave the STPM exams.... it seems that there not 'semangat' enough and still playing around as if there is a year left.... we agreed to help her as she had done so many things for us... SAYANG CIKGU SIDAH......

so on friday we went again to school. and we gave almost the same talk... and again i started it first... blerghhh... but i'm not sure if they got our message... waht i saw that they were not united as classmates n their study. they were not like us... they seems to think that tey can learn on their own without the teachers n friends help. well for STPM u cant do that... u'll die....

Wahai adik2 yang disayangi dengar kata guru2 mu... bincanglah dgn sahabat2 mu sesungguhnya mereka yg membantu dan membentukmu menjadi insan yang berjaya....

i hope the girls get what we were trying to tell them......
i wanted to pu some pictures but i havent got it from mira yet... so just upload it later i guess...
i guess thats all for today.... i'll write again tomorrow or on monday...
till i'll write again...

adieu... ^v^

the recap of my week....

2009-05-11T11:47:00.002-07:00

lets see.... i havent been updating my blog.... and its still under construction....
well... i'm always have been slow in this kind of stuff...

what i've done.....

1. went out with my best friend Lei/ Ana
did a little shopping ( a pair of slippers n a jacket... well more like a sweater) not that I shop a lot
2. started my driving class but not the bike... yet...
3.went out with my god sis last sunday n watch wolverin ( sis, me n lei)
4.found my password 4 my blog, myspace, n asianfnatics( too many passwords ^-^ )
5.i've found a layout that i love but i havent got all the links for the images...
6. starting to continue my writing

i guess thats all for last week... i'm not sure what i'll be doing this week. but my goal is to finishup lei's present... hope she'll love it....

thats all
adieu..... ^v^

cuma perlu berkata... the need to talk....

2009-01-20T00:14:00.000-08:00

Terus terang… ader banyak lagi blog yg telah kutulis drafnyer tapi x publish lagi….. tapi hari ini aku per bercakap….. terlebih dahulu maafkan diriku jika hari ini bahasa aku agak rojak dan bercampur. Sememangnyer bila bercelaru fikiranku… kata2ku juga bergitu…
Ahad yang lepas majority budak TESL telah menyertai tournament bowling… tapi aku terpaksa mengikuti lawatan kerana assgment. Aku sangkakan semua akan happy berlaka… tapi banyak kisah disebaliknyer….
Hari isnin ….like usual it’s the Monday blues…. Tapi cube berfikiran positif…. Tapi aku gagal sejak jam 12.30 pagi lagi…. Hari ahad malam isnin….aku rasa disini bermulanyer hari yg muram ini. Aku sebenarnya demam, selesema, dan batuk. Tiga penyakit yg amat aku tidak suka apabila ia berlaku serentak. Masalah pertama bagi Monday blues aku…. 1)My roommate. Bagi mereka yg mengebali diriku… aku jarang dan kalau boleh tidak suka berkata buruk mengenai sesiapa…. Aku seorang yg jenis tak kisah…. Yg penting orang lain selesa dgn diriku…. My roommate. Jing jie-jie (xyah nama betul) nak menonton cerita dvd krea… dvd player di laptop nyer buat hal.. so… as a good junior and roommate,.. aku mengofferkan laptop ku… itu bukan menjadi masalah nyer…. Namun dier menonton cerita tersebut hingga lima pagi di meja study ku… because of that my study lamp need to be switch on. Bayangkan lah… diri anda yg demam… suhu badan yg tidak menentu sepanjang malam disilau dgn lampu meja study… dlm keadaan badan yg mengataka “sleep… rest…” tetapi dirimu tidak boleh tidur…. Akhirnyer aku dapat tidur dgn agak lena selepas 5.30 pagi… dengan ‘melepaskan’ subuh… aku bangun pukul 8 pagi kerana terpakasa berkejar bas ke FBMK pukul 9.
Monday blues aku yg ke 2) rakan menceritakan kisah…. Ok disini aku perlu menegaskan bahawa saya hanyalah pendengar dan ti dak terlibat langsung atau secara tidak langsung dengan kejadian yg bakal aku cerita…. Salah seorang classmates aku bagi tahu yg dier gaduh besar dgn class rep aku. Part tue aku x terkejut sgt becoz… mereke mmg selalu x sebulu pun…. Spisies pun tidak…. Aku tidak menjadi judgemental pada masa itu… so just mendengar…. Selalu nyer class rep nie duduk disebelahku di kelas ini… aku bercadang untk bertanya kan hal yg telah berlaku. Namun apabia dier masuk kelas… terus berjalan ke belakang dengan muka yg kurang beremosi..(slalu nyer ini bermakna dier bengang atau risau) selepas habis kelas aku hanya meningatkan pesanan. Time ini class rep aku x leh dikacau takut aku jd mangsa…heheheheh…. So aku kurang senang apabila raka sekelas… rakan sepasukan… rakan… tidak bertegur antara satu sama lain….
Monday blues aku yg ketiga terjadi ketika lunch hour… aku tidak perlu bercerita panjang didini apa yg berlaku… yg pasti aku rasa teramat tension dan tetiba merasakan diri ini seperti selfish keran enggan membantu….
Selepas itu kelas yg terakhir melengkapkan Monday blues aku yg ke 4) keadaan classmates…. Aku x tau kenapa…. Tapi aku merasakan semua orang tgh temper pada masa ini… aku melihat bagaimana class rep aku sem lepas dan se mini hampir bergaduh. Aku melihat sekeliling rakan2 ku semua seperti berada dlm keadaan dalam yg sgt tegang… jika satu masalah kecil pun will make us very emotional…. Perasaan ini membuat aku lagi tertekan… kenapa? X tahu mengapa… namun sejak kecil aku tidak suka orang disekeliling aku tertekan… kerana apabila mereka tertekan… aku turut tertekan… tidak aku tidak dating dr broken family…. Cuma aku tidak tinggal dgn mereka …. Jadi rakan2 dan org sekeliling aku mmg memainkan peranan yg besar sewaktu aku membesar….

Semua Monday blues pada hari itu mneyebabkan perasaan aku haru biru…. Aku seperti orang yg agak tidak siuman kerana aku berasa seperti nak menjerit… marah.. kemudian menangis.. namun aku tidak berbuat demikian… kerana aku masih mampu mengawal nyer….
Kuliah ku habis pada pukul 7 malam…. Sememnagnyer that day was a very emotional draining day….. aku pulang cube hang put dgn floormate namun x menjadi… so aku menelefon MZ….. bukan untuk mengadu… just nak dgr sesuatu benda yg x ader langsung kene mengena dgn aku… selepas berbual dgn mz hati aku sedikit tenteram…..

Apaer yg boleh aku simpulkan disini adalah aku amat bersyukur bahawa cutu bakal menjelang… kerana semua orang perlukan break ini…. Masih terlalu awal tuk aku menghakimi rakan2 aku….. aku harap aku dapat memahami mereka dan membuat tali persahabtan yg amat kukuh dan boleh berkekalan….
Itu Cuma harapanku…..